January 16th to February 17th, 2025
Coaching time: 22-hours (6-hours with groups, 16-hours of individual)
Mentored/ Coached time: 3-hours
Dark Chocolate
If this month’s reflections were a food, they’d be dark chocolate. Take a square, down the hatch it goes – and enjoy the sweetness……and with the sweetness comes that slight bitterness.
That lingering doubt that maybe the dark choc wasn’t as sweet as once thought. Similarly, in our professional lives, the strengths that bring us satisfaction and success can carry a hidden cost when overused*.
*Overuse, overextend, and overplay are used interchangeably in this article
Background
Strengths-based coaching is a popular method, championed by the likes of Positive Psychology, and Gallup.
However, there’s a growing body of evidence suggesting that focusing solely on strengths and avoiding difficulties can create lopsided managers who overplay their strengths, often to their detriment and those around them (1-3).
We are intrinsically connected to expressing the very best of ourselves to others, but when this is performed without mindful attention, we create negative impact (2). Overusing strengths doesn’t lead to more satisfaction; in fact, it does the opposite (4).
Sooner or later, everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences
This month’s reflection reminds me that everything in life comes with a cost. No matter our superpowers, overextending those qualities lead to unfavourable outcomes.
As a career and interview coach with Smart Works Birmingham, the subject of ‘strengths and weaknesses’ comes up regularly. After discussing their strengths, it’s fascinating how often perceived weaknesses are actually just an overextension of strengths. Here are some recent examples:
Strength: Detail-oriented | Overextension: Delays completion due to indecision.
Strength: Highly empathetic; Overextension: Taking on others’ problems too deeply, blurring professional boundaries.
The image below highlights the ‘overuse’ of all 24 character strengths (2).
My overplay
Based on trustworthy feedback and my own awareness, I’m confident in my ability to self-regulate. In coaching sessions, I stay attuned to my emotions, reactions, and potential biases, which helps me remain balanced and model open-minded approaches for the client. This strength creates an internal connection with meaningful self-reflection for personal growth.
But there’s a bitter aftertaste. When I overplay self-regulation or self-awareness, I run into these issues:
- Self-consciousness: Instead of focusing on the coachee, I can become overly concerned with how I’m being perceived, which detracts from my presence.
- Paralysis by analysis: I sometimes overthink and hesitate to offer bold insights, fearing how the coachee might react.
- Loss of authenticity: In my effort to model growth, I occasionally adjust my tone or body language to meet external expectations, which risks undermining my authenticity.
My strategies
Awareness of overuse is the first step. From there, we need practical strategies. Here’s what has worked for me over the past six months:
1. Regularly seek coaching and mentorship.
2. Self-reflect to identify triggers and sources of overuse.
3. Prioritise preparation to create a mindful, present environment for my clients.
4. Temper self-regulation with empathy, shifting focus to the coachee’s experience rather than worrying about how I’m being perceived.
Optimal use?
As seen in my strategies, acknowledging and exploring the overuse of strengths is key. This can be done through asking great questions, working with a coach or counsellor, or through self-reflection (2, 3).
Niemiec suggests applying Tempering (2)—the process of using one strength to balance another. For example, if someone realises they’re overusing curiosity by asking too many questions, they can deliberately lean on self-regulation to dial it back.
But context is crucial. The culture, beliefs, and values of the environment often determine whether a strength is being used optimally or overextended. The way we express our strengths in one setting might be embraced, while in another it could be seen as overkill.
Flip-it
The most encouraging reflection that perceived ‘weaknesses’ often stem from the overuse of strengths.
This brings a new way of thinking for coaching individuals stuck in a rut around ‘weaknesses’ and failures.
instead of trying to eliminate a weakness, why not focus on adapting the strength? Let’s talk about the positives hidden within your weaknesses! By reframing them as strengths in need of recalibration, we shift the focus from fixing something broken to fine-tuning something valuable.
Thank you for reading.
References
- Sims CM. Coaching Psychology from a Second Wave Positive Psychology Perspective with Strengths-based Appreciative Coaching for Leaders. In: 9th International Congress of Coaching Psychology. London; 2019. p. 10–1.
- Niemiec RM. Finding the golden mean: the overuse, underuse, and optimal use of character strengths. Couns Psychol Q. 2019 Oct 2;32(3–4):453–71.
- Kaplan RE, Kaiser RB. Managing Yourself: Stop overdoing your strengths. Harv Bus Rev 2009
- Freidlin P, Littman-Ovadia H, Niemiec RM. Positive psychopathology: Social anxiety via character strengths underuse and overuse. Pers Individ Dif. 2017;108.
- Robert Louis Stevenson. Sooner or later, everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences